A happy-go-lucky English rambler dude goes to New Zealand for a year. Here he interfaces with some of those he left behind and details his nefarious activities. Or summat.
Recently clicked on MP3s - 7th June 2005 The Lucksmiths - Warmer Corners
Jens Lekman - When i said i wanted to be your dog
The Trashcan Sinatras - Weightlifting
Teenage Fanclub - Man Made
Laura Veirs - Carbon Glacier
The Decemberists - Picaresque
The Eels - Blinking Lights
Friday, May 31, 2002
Sorry if you've texted me lately and i've not responded, i'm utterly skint, and so can't afford to buy a top up card for my cellphone.
So purely as a cost cutting measure, i'll be curling up on the sofa to watch as much of the World Cup as is freely broadcast in NZ (Not much). Or possibly nursing glasses of coke though matches at broad minded Christchurch sports bars (That aren't showing wall to wall replays of All-Blacks games, or other such Rugger Bollox)
Shame, as i'd fancy visiting Sammy's Jazz Review again. We discovered it last weekend, and although i tend to avoid noodley jazz bollox when possible, the place was great and even "Sidewinder" the house band and their roving Sax player we're pretty entertaining. The toilet door looks like something out of Star Trek too, so bonus points for that.
And there were no banks of TV's broadcasting the Rugby channel - HALLALOOJAH!
8:34 am
Annoyingly, my Indoor Cricket injury prophecy turned out to be correct.
Although surprisingly the person i should have been watching out for was one of my own team mates, rather than opposition fast bowlers. I was bowling, and went to back up for a run out attempt, Dean (I think his name was) launched a throw at the stumps. Directly on line, but about 3 feet too high - at the same height my mouth. The phrase you're looking for is "Ouch". Although i pronounced it "ARGLEFLRGHH" at the time. Happily no teeth had to be spat out, although yawning and chewing are a bit painful still.
It was much more fun than last time, as i didn't completely disgrace myself. I hit a '7' off the opposition's crappy bowler, and would have ended up with a positive score (I got -2) if a un sportsmanlike opposition bowler hadn't popped me out at the non-strikers end after running in to bowl. How low is that?? My bowling was also improved (Only 4 wides in three overs), however as my deliveries were within reach of the batsman, it meant they got spanked for a whole load more runs. I'll be working on bowling faster than 10mph next week.
Even fielding was fun & all action, with plenty of dives (Missed the ball usually, but they looked great i'm sure) and body checking of the runners - unintentional obviously.
8:14 am Thursday, May 30, 2002
It's been nice knowing you guys.
Just thought i'd put this on record, as i'm off to a grisly end tonight at the hands of some local amateur fast bowler. Unless by some miracle i manage to get the bat between me and the ball this time. (Something which i entirely failed to do last time i played indoor cricket)
7:16 am Thursday, May 23, 2002
Settling back into life in Christchurch. I've managed to get my old job back, so i'll be able to start buying loads of CD's again soon. Sorry, what did i say? I meant pay off my speeding ticket, of course.
Some old mates from the 'Church are coming back into town this weekend, Susie (Of Echobelly ligger fame) and 'Shel (Of illegal pub work in London fame). Should be nice.
Other than that all is quiet on the southern front. Oh I have been meaning to reccommend reading anything by Lester Bangs for a while. I'd been carrying 'Psychic Reactions and Carburetor dung' around for a few months before starting to read it the other week. Joy! I've never read anything quite as, 'dense' ? before. He tends to digress even more than Ronnie Corbett on speed, which actually turns out to be a good thing, honest. Although the bad point is that i now want to go and buy the records he's writing about, GRR! (Though maybe not James Taylor. And Starship.)
Oh, and I got 9 films(!) back from the Photography shop (How excited was i that morning! Oh, and they will be appearing on the credit card bill too Mum :oD Thanks again). They're mainly from my North Island travels - Nuff Volcanos inaddee area - and after i've sifted through & been arsed to scan them all, they'll be appearing here as per. Unless a major letter writing campaign is started urging me not to, or sanctions are threatened against NZ, or something :o(
8:38 am
Dropped off the world's only globe-trotting, dub-reggae and Wong Kar-Wai loving, school care-taking, barmy-army member at the airport today. Matt, who i went to the 1st Test match with, and who encouragingly ran off when the whole stand started singing Proclaimers' songs at me ("I didn't want to steal your limeight", he later claimed).
He was intending to stay in NZ for another 6 months, but has now realised that the streets of NZ aren't paved with gold, and so is off back to his cushy school caretakers job (In an 8 hour day he claimed his only duty was to unlock & lock a few doors, before settling back to watch whatever cricket is on TV).
8:08 am Monday, May 20, 2002
My new least favourite numbers are 114 and 80
Reason - I've just been fined $80 for being caught doing 114kph on State Highway 1, driving south to Christchurch last night :o(
Sadly i can't afford the fine at present, and so will be getting "sent dahn" for a "10 stretch", if readers of this website don't start sending me money pronto. Address all donations to the "Free Mark Edward campaign, Burberry Studios, Christchurch". (You may think that someone whose address includes "Burberry Studios" should be able to pay his own speeding tickets. But shut up, and send me cash OK?)
Also it was all Frank Black's fault. I was listening to a particularly ROCK song on "Cult of Ray" at the time, causing an involuntary "pedal to the metal" response. From now on it's Brian Eno all the way.
10:00 am
Am now back in the mighty 'Church, after a very enjoyable few days in Welly.
Spent Friday mooching around the town, with far too much time in internet caff's and record shops, listening to CD's and attempting to justify their purchase to myself, when there is no way on earth i can afford them.
[CD craving inner voice] - "Oh look, it's a Prince Far-I album! Don't see many of those about, you should buy it"
[Financially astute inner voice] - "Hmm, it's not even got that, 'If U love WAAAR, i feel sorry for YAAAAH!' track on it"
"It is only $10 though, and everyone loves Prince Far-I's gravelly throated 'toasting' and all"
"You. Have. No. Money. Twat"
"Oh, OK. But look! There's Harvest Moon, at a low, low price!!"
"AAARGH! That's it!" [Clanking noises eminate from my brain as sensible half attempts to teach the other half a lesson with a psychic golf club]
Once i'd finished torturing myself in record shops, i visited Te Papa, NZ's national museum. 3 very enjoyable hours were spent wandering around a small fraction of the things on display.
Amongst the things i learnt during this time are:
Tui's have two voice boxes to help produce their incredible songs
How surveyors use trig points on mountains to measure, stuff.(Too dull for website, mail me for an explanation)
What it feels like to be in an earthquake, thanks to Te Papa's earthquake simulator house - The floor jiggles slightly! What the hell's all the fuss about?
Stalagtites go up, Stalagmites go down
Captain Cook's cat is single handedly responsible for the extinction of several of NZ's species of flightless Wren
Saturday found me getting my arse into gear, and actually going to the Gear Homestead, where a lot of Bad taste was filmed! The lady who ran the place told me that it's now used for wedding receptions etc, a far cry from the days from when aliens used to drink their own vomit in the hallway - which i actually stood in! :oD I was so overcome by being there, i felt the need to phone Cat, one of the few people who would appreciate it (I don't know Richard Boddy's phone number!) he immediately promised to stick the video on. Though i wouldn't be too surprised if he just flopped back in a curry/booze induced stupor? after Boney's birthday Curry / Knees up.
The other locations i visited (e.g. the beaches where Barry shot the 1st Zombie alien's head off) were very nice, but were hard to recognise as the actual locations from the film though.
After a hard days Zombie Alien Stalking a man gets an appetite, so i decided to drop in on a friend of a friend's curry house. The friend being Shok at the Laguna Tandoori, and his mates being Champakbhai and Rakesh at the Great India, in Wellington city centre. They were both v. friendly, and asked about how the old place was doing, as well as Shok, Mr Mooney [sic?] and Lestar in general, and while i was waiting for my curry furnished me with a complimentary Kingfisher, niiice. Naturally i went for the Paneer speciality dish. It was good, but i have to say that the Paneer Shashlik starter at Laguna still retains the title of "World's best curried product"
(Could any visitors to Laguna in the near future please say "Hello!" to Shok, Imran, Mr Mooney et al, from Rakesh, his dad Champakbhai and me too. Cheers)
Many thanks for you Kiwi Fruit abstenance comrades. Baypak have finally buckled under the weight of our pressure, and have paid up the wages they owed me, for my hard labour in the KeriKeri Kiwi Killing fields.
Feel free to resume buying Kiwi fruits. However when paying for them at the check out, why not stand there for a week before paying - See how THEY like it huh?
8:52 am Friday, May 17, 2002
I'm back in the, rather nippy, capital of NZ, Wellington. I was hoping to meet Keith here, but due to the virtual impossibility of finding anywhere free / affordable to park in Wellington, he's sadly had to bugger off elsewhere :o( But, there's still plenty for me to do in the Welly area till Sunday when i get the ferry, including visting Bad Taste filming locations!! I've just found some on the net, and after i've done here, i'm off out in search of some "Extra-Terrestrial-Bastards Barry!"
I had a great few days in New Plymouth, where the weather again (!) behaved perfectly, and so i managed to climb Mount Taranaki, now my highest mountain at 2518m. As the peak is on totally flat plains, next to the sea, i again had incredible views, all the way back to Mount Ngaurahoe, where i was a couple of days earlier. The climb was reasonably straightforward, but the summit had plenty of ice about, and the sheer size of the thing was quite intimidating, so i did feel a tad nervous at times. I was also the only person to climbing it that day, (4 Israelis i met had turned back due to a bit of cloud / wind halfway up, pah!) so if i had come a cropper i would have a had a looong, cold night waiting for anyone to rescue me :os I also made things a bit harder for myself by picking the wrong summit, when i go into the crater. I climbed halfway up an icy precipice called the "sharks tooth", before noticing a pole / cairn, on the other side of the crater rim. So i happily left the slightly scarier, lower option, and went to the proper summit!
Mount Taranaki - A big 'un
3:48 am Tuesday, May 14, 2002
Just time for a last quick post, before i leave the free internet haven of Pukenui Lodge, National Park.
Had a pleasant wander up to the Tama lakes yesterday afternoon, two lakes that have formed in old Volcanic blast craters. Almost having the place to myself, apart from a huge posse of Kiwi Experience dweebs that i walked by coming out of Whakapapa village. Not entirely suprising when you start a "7hour" walk with 4 hours of daylight left - RockNramble!! I made it back just after dark, and quite literally with brown trousers, after an all action slide into a dry river bed, that wasn't quite as dry as it looked at first :os
I'm about to head off to Egmont national park, to have a crack at Mount Taranaki, an even bigger volcano than the one i've just climbed, then it's off to Wellington for a quick curry at a friend of a friend's curry house and then the ferry back to the South island, for my last few weeks in NZ :o(
2:21 am Sunday, May 12, 2002
Oh yeah. The reason i'm in Tongariro, and not Lake Waikaramoana as planned is that i've not been paid, as promised, by the evil capitalist mofos at so called "Baypak", who i did my Kiwi fruit picking for.
So i hereby call on you, brothers and sisters of the revolution, to BOYCOTT ALL KIWI FRUIT, until i get the three days wages owing to me.
I know it'll be tough, but hang strong comrades, and we'll bring these fascists to their knees (and get my dollaros to spend on Cd's too. There's a great new Wilco album out don't y'know)
1:25 pm
Despite having the world's slowest internet connection, i'm having a great time here in Pukenui Lodge, National Park, a village in the Tongariro National Park (Hmmm, someone was having a lazy day when this place was named...)
I can even show you exacly where i spent the evening, plonked out on the sofa in the foreground, drinking Steiny's and watching Notting Hill on the large telly in the corner. I'm fairly sure i would have done my best to dislike Notting Hill normally, but the effect of three whole bottles of booze, the roaring log fire, pleasant company and having just had one of my bestest days in NZ had the effect of making me like it immensely.
The day was spent doing the Tongariro crossing, after first checking the trusty Guardian website for the City's final result at Filbo (The live text message updates from Cat & Pablo dried up at half time, did you get arrested or clubbed to death or something?), happily we did Spurs 2-1, so my day started off pretty well. It improved still further when i checked outside, and saw that the ominous clouds from yesterday had buggered off completely, and a beautiful sunrise was splatting all over the three whopping volcanos visible from the front window of the lodge. Despite the imminent arrival of the track bus, and me not being ready, my first instinct was to drop everything and rush out with my camera, rather than actually get packed up for the day. Happily though the bus was later than me, so all started well.
The Tongariro crossing is supposedly the "best day walk in NZ", and i'd find it hard to disagree, but i decided to enhance it still further with a side trip to the top of Mount Ngaurahoe (Which i've found out is pronounced Narra-hoe-ee), which is now my biggest mountain by 100 metres-ish. None of my wussy fellow passengers on the bus went for the summit, so it was left to me an a very friendly Hungarian Physician named Goran (Or something very similar), to tackle the peak, and we left out fellow (amateur) ramblers at the top of the first climb muttering stuff about us being "eejits" & "nutters". It was pretty hard work, and a tad steep at times, but we got to the top without too many problems and then enjoyed the incredible views and the sulphury whiffs coming from the still active crater. As it was a clear day, the views from the top were unbelievable, i'm sure we could see about as far as it's humanly possible to see, all the way over to Mount Taranaki in the south west corner of the North island for instance.
Goran started off down about 10mins earlier than me, almost a fatal error as it turned out. The descent of Ngaurahoe is far easier than the ascent, as you can ski/run down about 800metres of scree, all the way to the bottom of the cone. The only down side of this is that you tend to upset the odd large boulder here and there. I managed to do this right at the top, and a football sized boulder was sent careering down toward Goran at horrendous speed, bouncing merrily all the way down to the pass, narrowly missing his head by 10 metres. Which actually doesn't sound that close, but when you're Goran's head it's a bit too close. Anyway, hearty apologies were offered when i caught up with him, but he was fine about it, and we wandered off toward the red crater, comparing fruit picking experiences in the former Communist Hungary and KeriKeri - conclusion - Fuit picking is shit.
Mount Ngaurahoe from Mount Tongariro
All this arsing about, had once again made me late for the bus, which was leaving the other end of track at 4:30pm sharp, so with the energy i had left i jogged through the final crater of the walk, i think, breaking my camera in the process, but happily got to the bus in time, hurrah!
Which leaves me back at the Pukenui lodge, eating Pasta "N" Sauce, drinking Steinlager and watching Notting Hill.
Life. It's all good mate :oD
[Apologies if this post is too long / nauseating. But a great day, my first booze in ages and a free net connection are all partly to blame]
1:15 pm Saturday, May 11, 2002
Have a good time at Filbo tomorrow, all who are going down there for the final game, sniff.
Am gutted to be missing it, but fear not, i'll have my own minute of silence at 3pm (2am) to comemorate the occasion - followed by several more hours of silence, possibly interrupted by the odd snore and snuffling noise.
Havvaguddun, and wish the old place farewell from me :o(
12:26 am
The the latest leg of the North Island tour has taken me to Rotorua, and specifcally a web caff, with a very dodgy keyboard :oZ
Not really hada look round Rotorua yet, but i've had a good sniff - it stinks of GCSE Science experiments! Though all the geothermal activity in the area does have some rather nice side effects - the ground i camped on last night was warm! mmmmm Toastytenty :o)
Had some more Geo thermal fun yesterday too, staying at Hot water beach in the Coromandel, where you can dig out your own hot pool in the beach. Ooh!
Am off to Lake Waikaremoana now, to do a 2day walk as a warm up for an attempt on the summits of the two volcanos i've been banging on about, Mount Tongariro and Nguharuhoe (God knows how you pronounce that one). And like everything worth visiting in the North Island, it's at the end of a long drive down a dirt road (100k's) so just as well i got two new front tyres in Auckland. It's Colin McRae time!! BrumBrum!
12:21 am Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Wow! Fame at last! I'm now an offical contributor to www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com.
I can now die a happy man :oD
11:56 am
Hmmm. Feeling slightly odd in an Auckland internet caff, sitting next to an utter tosspot screaming tactical instructions at his mates playing some Half-Life bobbins.
I've been camping in some secluded bays up in the very far north of NZ for the last 4 days, so to suddenly arrive back in the human balti pot that is Auckland, is slightly disorientating, and not particularly condusive to writing posts for my website, anyway i'll try and concentrate on the good stuff that i've been up to since retiring from the Kiwi fruit game.
First of all stayed at Tauranga bay, after visiting the monument to the Rainbow Warrior in Matauri Bay. The monument is in a beautiful spot, up on a headland overlooking the bay and lots of islands. I happily whiled away an hour or so enjoying the views, pondering life and thinking what a bunch of arseholes the French secret service are. Tauranga bay was wonderful, but i left my towel there, so memories of it will always hold mixed emotions for me. It's a gorgeous spot, but hey, that was a real big, soft, snuggly towel. Met a pleasant Irish bloke called Jeff there, and we decided to meet up again the next night in Tapotupoto bay.
From Tapotupoto i set out the next day to visit Cape Reinga, NZ's equivalent of Lands End, and with an equivalent number of tourists present. I didn't fancy hanging around there all day, taking pictures for people while they stood in front of a sign saying how far it was to London etc, so i bogged off down the huge Te Warahi beach, heading for Cape Maria van Dieman, the most westerly spot in NZ, and happily not accessible by coach. For the rest of the day i only met two other people, an English couple doing the 3 day walk i had considered but wrote off as i didn't fancy the ambitious hitch hiking it would have involved. Cape Maria was an utterly isolated spot, with the Pacific and Tasman sea bashing into one another, visibly, in the distance. Cue more sitting around soaking in the views and pondering life - fear not, when i finally get this whole life thing sussed out you guys will be the first to know about it. I can't be far away from the answer, as i've been putting in plently of hours working on it lately :o)
Ooh! Almost forgot to mention the Te Paki Sand dunes / mountains, the fun-est sand on earth! I was never a big fan of sand up until now, it seems to get everywhere, and does it's best to break your camera whenever you take it near a beach. But i'd never encountered sand in these quantities before, massive sand dunes 100+ metres high. It was like a film set from Star Wars / Laurence of Arabia, and i spent a couple of happy hours scrambling up the dunes, and then running down almost vertical slopes, causing huge sand avalanches with every footstep, and taking pictures of two Germans who had progressed from simply running down the dunes, to an extremely modern looking, free form, dance / spasm descent of the dunes, as well as two irish guys who had the forethought to bring some boogie boards with them.
11:35 am Thursday, May 02, 2002
Wotcha! Have been working my arse off in KeriKeri (New Zealands TOP small town) for the last few days.
I started off my career here as a carpenter (sort of), and have now progressed up the career ladder to be a pro Kiwi fruit picker. Kiwi picking sounds glamourous i know, but in fact it's shit. And you have to listen to brain numbing commercial radio all day. Humph.
Hence i'm going back to what i do best soon, being a travelling rambler / dosser, and will head off up to Cape Reinga, and then back towards those rather large volocano things, that are just asking to be climbed :o)
Anyway, must go, as i'm being ripped off for the internet, as per, and Wes my Kiwi picking comrade is waiting for me, to go for a post picking beverage at the Citrus bar, the only local pub that hasn't burnt down. Tata.
8:26 am
