A happy-go-lucky English rambler dude goes to New Zealand for a year. Here he interfaces with some of those he left behind and details his nefarious activities. Or summat.
Recently clicked on MP3s - 7th June 2005 The Lucksmiths - Warmer Corners
Jens Lekman - When i said i wanted to be your dog
The Trashcan Sinatras - Weightlifting
Teenage Fanclub - Man Made
Laura Veirs - Carbon Glacier
The Decemberists - Picaresque
The Eels - Blinking Lights
Saturday, March 30, 2002
Just a quick post before i head off into the wilderness with Alex & Jo for a whole week, to do the Heaphy track in the Kahurangi National Park.
Not got that much to report at the minute, this week has consisted of work, cycling up to the Dyers pass every night, burning a Prog/Kraut rock cd, expertly compiled by Craig Wood and yet another leaving do, this time for Susy - friend to the stars (Well Echobelly at least). The leaving do was at the ever excellent, 'Two fat Indians', where i went for a slightly over hot, Malai Kofta, accompanied with gallons of lager & water. Later on, back at the Excelsior Sports bar, we became bored with their paltry selection of beers, and so began buying rounds of more entertaining cocktails. Predictably i got a round of White Russians in (My vote for the world's best drink), 'Shel bought some fairly pleasant Green things but Suzy outdid us all by creating a brand new drink which consists of a half pint of Guiness with a shot of Kahlua - mmmmmm. Ideally it would've had a double Kahlua in it, but it was still pretty special with just the one. It hasn't ben christened as yet, so feel free to leave any suggestions for a name below.
Sadly I have to report that there's not been a happy end for Keith's Transglobal love story:o( In the last email he sent me, he said things had "turned to shit" with his Welsh bird and that he would be coming back to NZ on the next cheapo flight he could arrange. But hey, he's coming back to NZ, so that's a pretty happy ending in a way :os
It's Marie's 30th birthday tonight, and although this has been a closely guarded secret up till now, i doubt she'll be looking at this website in the next 2 hours, so i can reveal that in accordance with her obsession with Men in uniform, a Policeman stripper has been organised for tonight :oO Bizzarely though NZ bars seem to have a rather prudish attitude to strippers (Male ones at least), and so he's going to be doing his stuff on the sun deck of the hostel. Gemma had attempted to persuade me to host the event at my flat, but this would have been creepy to say the least, so the guests at the New Excelsior are in for a treat tonight. Perhaps the stripper refusal at the local bars has something to do with NZ's rather hardline celebration of Easter - virtually every bar & shop in the Christchuch is closed for Easter Friday & Sunday. A bit of a shock when compared to the 3 day booze & chocolate fest that Easter consists of back at home.
Bike info update - Top speed is now 69kph (43mph) & my arse is now happy again as i've bought some cycling shorts with a reinforced, padded gusset! :oD
, and i'll be writing again in a week or so, no doubt with lots of exiting stories of rambling & pit toilets - joy!
Also a quick note: Happy belated birthday to Cat (Sorry i forgot, i'll buy you some Pig hunting merchandise and stick it in the post soon!) and happy gigging to all that are going to the Strokes & Belle and Sebastian gigs at the Brixton Academy in the near future. (I'm not jealous what-so-ever. At all. Oh no.)
7:09 am Tuesday, March 26, 2002
Sorry for the lack of posts lately - but i've been 'playing out on bikes'!
Yes, thanks to the wonders of the Buy & Sell Exchange (A Christchurch institution every Friday), i'm now the proud owner of a Scott 'Tampico', as well as assorted paraphernalia to go with it. I'm pretty happy with it so far, apart from the lack of suspension forks, and it's name sounding slightly like a ladies sanitary towel :o(
I've done a couple of rides up into the Port hills (The view) so far, and thanks to the various gadgets i've accumulated over the years, i can tell you:
I ascended 310m each time, riding to the Dyers pass (Altimeter watch)
Each ride covered 22km (GPS)
I reached a maximum speed of 64kph (Bicycle Computer)
My arse hurt at the end of the ride (My arse)
I was quite chuffed with my top speed on the descent tonight, especially as it was dark, and i managed to break the speed limit for the road. But mountain bike afficianados at work, Dave and Adam, have told me that it was frankly crap, and that they've been faster on the flat (Though whilst slipstreaming behind vans they later admitted).
I'm sure the Richard, the guy i bought the bike from wouldn't have been all that impressed either, as he finished 2nd in the Speights Coast to Coast challenge, NZ's biggest multisport challenge, usually won by NZ's fittest man, Steve Gurney. In fact that was the reason he was selling it, as his prize for finishing 2nd was a brand new mountain bike!
Despite now having a bike, i'm not going to be able to do Le Race, as i'm leaving Ch'ch on Monday to do the Heaphy track on Easter Monday, which is a 5 day hike, and i don't fancy driving through the night after that, to do a 100k bike race in the morning. As sadly i've not quite attained Rob Martin levels of fitness yet.
Not heard anything from Keith yet, but fear not, if there's a happy ending for the crazy-ass, love-lorn fool, i'll let you know.
9:40 am Thursday, March 21, 2002
Said goodbye to another NZ buddy this morning - 5AM at the airport to be precise :o(
The Keith-meister arrived in NZ at the same time as me, and was also planning to do a full year here. So i was slightly surprised when he turned up at the Loft Style Appartment the other day, at 7:45AM (ug) with an incredible tale of falling in love with 'Erdigan' (Spelt phonetically) the previously mentioned Welsh bird who he'd spent a few weeks with, but who had flown home recently, and his decision to drop his travelling plans to go back and visit her (Unannounced!!!) to see how things work out!
We spent his last night in NZ sat up on in the Port hills, looking down on the sprawling, twinkling Christchurch below discussing life, love, NZ and football, before heading back to town for a couple of Mac's Golds. Gawd bless ya mate, and the best of luck with the little Leek fancier.
As happy as i'll be for Keith, should things work out, i must admit to being a bit peeved that another mate, has now buggered off from NZ. However life's looking up for the next few weeks, as hopefully i'll be off to do the Heaphy Track at some point with Alex & Jo, and on April 6th i'm aiming to take part in 'Le Race' - a 100k bicycle race, from Christchurch to Akaroa, and the closest i'll ever get to being Lance Armstrong for a day!. As long as I manage to get my hands on a bicycle by then that is.
8:09 am
Watched "A room for Romeo Brass" the other night. Another great film from the East midlands cinema maestro Shane Meadows. There are some top performances, especially from the two kids in the lead roles, and the story builds up nicely from a 'buddy flick' to something a lot more darker and more powerful.
As well as being a wonderful film, listening to 2 hours of thick East midlands accents was highly enjoyable for me, and gave me a mini Lestar-fix (Even though it was all filmed in Nottingham). Plenty of "Int it!", "Summat" and "Wot!", but sadly no "Me duck's".
Does that mean i should kill myself now?
6:19 am
Well here's the explanation for all the Proclaimers nonsense i've been banging on about.....
It started on the 3rd day of the 1st Test, with Matt & I sat in the middle of the Barmy Army, the atmosphere was warming up, the first few songs were being sung and rounds being bought from Dave the beer man. When one of the B.A. leaders happened to turn around and mention loudly to his mate,
"Oi! We've got one of the Proclaimers here, hahaaw!"
Irritatingly his mate agreed, and began the first of endless renditions of '500 miles' i was to hear this weekend. Anyway, it was all very amusing, and i thought that was it. However the Proclaimers songs continued every time i walked down the gangway to the bar / toilet, which i did more frequently as the day went on. The numbers of people noticing and joining in also grew, and so did my embarrassment at the whole thing. I laughed along with them, joined in, and attempted a little Proclaimers dance, but mainly i just looked embarrassed.
As well as the 80's Scot-pop singalongs, there was some amazing Cricket going on too. Graham Thorpe (The Thorpedo!) scored the 3rd fastest double century in history (Which became the 4th fastest the next day!), and Freddy Flintoff also scored a century, whilst smashing the NZ attack to all corners of the ground. The gorgeous weather and lack of Ozone layer ensured that the whole crowd went home looking like beetroots too.
However things became slightly complicated later that night when the cricket had finished, and i met two members of the barmy army, including the bloke who outed me as a Proclaimer, whose nickname i learned was 'Porno', for reasons i didn't bother to ask. Anyway, they thought it would be a great idea if i led the Barmy Army in a rendition of everyones favourite Proclaimers song - '500 Miles' surprise surprise. Those of you who have known me for more than 10 minutes will probably realise that i wouldn't really jump at an opportunity like that, so i just nodded and smiled at the guys, and hoped they'd forget about it. Unfortunately, they continued to harass me into doing it, so i said i'd think about it.
Needless to say, when Matt & I were walking to the ground the next morning, i didn't exactly have a spring in my step, but i knew i had to do the decent thing and at least turn up, no matter what happened. Not least because England looked to have the match sewn up, so i didn't want to miss seeing us winning a test against Johnny Foreigner!
I really couldn't have predicted the reception i received when i entered the stand though, seemingly the whole stand rose to it's feet, singing, you've guessed it, "500 Miles". With Porno's mate stood in the middle of all them, holding up a great big tour poster for the Proclaimers who bizarrely, were playing in Christchurch that night - whodathunkit? I stood around laughing like an eejit for a while, during which time Matt scurried off and left me to it. I followed him as soon as was polite, (Though i must admit to not knowing the correct etiquette for such occasions) and then hunkered down in my seat for the rest of the day, scurrying off to the bar / toilet only when everyone else was distracted by a wicket or something.
I managed to avoid singing a song for the entire stand, but i was able to help 'Porno' and his mate with two Austrailian girls they were attempting to impress. The girls had tickets for the Proclaimers gig, and so i the lads told them i was the long lost Proclaimer triplet, and their manager, so i'd get them backstage afer the gig. Which I happily (And very convincingly i think) went along with.
My new found celebrity continued that evening in the Excelsior Sports bar, while celebrating the England win, and listening to Suzie's tales of going backstage at Echobelly gigs! (Apparently they're very nice) I was interrupted by numerous people screaming at me,
"Oi! Wahey! It's the Proclaimers bloke!! Weeeelllll I WOULD WALK 500 MIIILES!!" etc etc.
Happily things have settled down this week, and i've not been shouted at in the street (Any more than usual), so it seems that my 15mins of fame are over, sniff.
6:09 am Tuesday, March 19, 2002
Just when you think you're getting it all sussed out, life does have an impressive ability pop up and let you know that it's the boss, and definitely not you.
For example, last week, i would not have predicted that over the weekend several hundred people would be singing Proclaimers songs at me, and that my mate Keith would be leaving NZ 6 months early to chase a Welsh bird with an unpronouncable name that he met a couple of weeks ago.
I would write more, but i'm going to be enigmatic about the whole thing for a few hours, as i'm expecting a phone call from my sister Al, so i'd better get off home.
Me
The Proclaimers
9:56 am
Yay more pics! I've uploaded a film featuring yet more hot Cricket action from the Dunedin 1-dayer, Canterbury Vs England and the 1st Test.
Also, finally, some pics from the worst walk in the world! Michael's and my ascent of the super gnarly Mount Enys and Mount Cloudsley.
9:36 am Thursday, March 14, 2002
Managed to miss the first two days of the Test due to having mucho worko to do :o( But i'll be going down to the third day tomorrow - cue rain no doubt.
Depressingly the clocks are going forward over here this weekend, another sign that winter is approaching :o( Though as i've had almost a year of summer i suppose i shouldn't complain too much. And if i can save up enough pennies to get myself a snowboard, winter could actually turn out to be quite a good thing.
Despite not seeing anything from the summit (Want to see a picture of a Swedish bloke there?), the walk up Avalanche peak was definitely the highlight. It was just big enough (Summit 1833m - Started at 730m) to be a challenge, without completely exhausting anyone, the summit ridge just thin enough to be exciting, without forcing anyone to wear "Brown trousers" and the clouds cleared up occasionally so we did get a few great views back down into Arthurs Pass.
I left Alex & Jo in the Arthur's Pass YHA, and headed off back to Christchurch in some fairly atrocious weather. But despite the 1000's of k's put on my car recently, it got me home without any problems, as usual, bless 'er. If you're looking for a new car, and can find one, then I'd highly reccommend the 1985 Toyota Corona, and if you're around in Christchurch in late July / August, there'll be a slightly used on for sale at a very reasonable price :o)
9:16 am
As promised here's the evidence that the England cricket team are a bunch of degenerates! Although Darren Gough just manages to cunningly hide his face in this picture, there are is more damning proof available here, in the pictures Sanjay emailed me recently
8:29 am
Don't ask how i ended up looking through a load of Tim "Westwo" Westwood websites (Tim=Good, Tim=bad, Tim=Daft) this morning, but i did.
Here's Westwo's top sayings, according to some UK Garage (er, Bo!) website.
(i) “Yeaaah man!!”
(ii) “We’re blasting off!!!”
(iii) “Aiight ‘den”
(iv) “So, that’s the way it’s going down”
(v) “Let’s make it happen, baby”
(vi) “That tune is ridiculous!!”
(vii) “There’re a lot of big things happening”
(viii) “What’s three minus two?!!!”
3:04 am Friday, March 08, 2002
Got to be quick, as i'm off to meet Alex, my old work mate, the latest person to visit me in NZ :o)
Gemma's birthday was a pretty entertaining night, and ended up with possibly my last all night piss up in the New Excelsior kitchen (Marie, the last of the old school Excelsior massive is moving out next week) :o(
It was done in style though, only the best boxed wine, and with Gemma and I wearing two very fetching sombreros.
As I didn't get to bed till 5, work was fairly hard going today, but a phone call from a drunken Craig & Mullen cheered the day right up. As did having a www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com. No honestly.
Also got some photos from Sanjay today, featuring drunken Darren Gough antics, which should appear next week, once i've checked them over with my lawyers....
8:49 am Wednesday, March 06, 2002
Having a fairly quiet week, as Michael's away bothering lakes. It's Gemma Excelsior's birthday on Thursday, so i'll no doubt have another chance to strut my funky pool playing stuff in the Sports bar during her party. Though i suppose i should really retire from pool, while i'm on top of my game, and before i make the 7-ball effort the other day look like a fluke. Which it wasn't. Obviously.
'Felafel', was enjoyable knockabout stuff, and not just because of Romane Bohringer (Star of my fave film L'Appartment, and officially the world's foxiest laydee) playing a pagan, lesbian, temptress - nnngh!
It's about the main characters hellish (and usually quite amusing) experiences moving from one shared house to another, meeting progressively stranger housemates throughout the film. It also features lots of musing on the meaning of life, philosophical anecdotes, Nick Cave records and frogs being twatted with 3-Woods too.
So it's that timeless combination of Elvis and Kieslowski tonight. Yay!
7:30 am Tuesday, March 05, 2002
Ooh! I'm getting all high tech on your asses.
If you fancy commenting on any of my witterings, or maybe even leaving the odd death threat, you may now do so by clicking on the 'Add a Comment' link below any posting.
7:44 am Monday, March 04, 2002
This Spring, starring Craig Wood, Columbia Pictures present.....
7:59 am
Sniff. Another chum rode off into the sunset today. Sanjay's heading off up to Nelson to indulge in a spot of Sea kayaking, before flying out to Fiji to do some island 'hopping' (In English: Slob around on a series of different beaches).
Naturally his last weekend involved a couple of nights out, the best one involving a trip to Santorini's Ouzeria (Another branch of the Z-web / Keyghost empire). For some quality Greek nosh, lashings of Ouzo, Bouzouki playing (Courtesy of "The Boy") and dancing on tables (er, not us, the two Hen-nights present).
We also paid a couple of trips to a local Pool hall, and impressively were the last people to be booted out on both occasions (4am ish). If i gain nothing else from my year's travelling i'll have certainly got a lot better at Pool. Sanjay probably has the edge over me in consistency levels, but on Saturday afternoon i managed to pull off my first '147' at Pool, (i.e. 7-Balling someone in a single break) the hapless victim was Luke the barman at the Excelsior sports bar, who shamefully failed to carry out the NZ tradition of running round the Pool table with your trousers down, always performed when this ocurrs.
Sunday was spent giving Michael some valuable help with some Limnology fieldwork. Specifically, the help consisted of standing next to a fast flowing river. In the rain. With a hangover. Looking on while Michael waded waist deep into the torrent, attempting to get across to the lake he needed to sample. While secretly hoping he'd decide that the river was impassable so I didn't have to cross the bloody thing too. Though Jo and I were ready to spring to his aid at any time should he have got washed away.
Jo - "What should we do if he gets washed away?"
Me - "Dunno. Swim after him or summat?"
Jo - "Er, Ok"
